a home for dora

I am a planner. Not just for tomorrow or for the next day but for months and years in advance. It is a bit of a problem. As I sit and think about my trip to Asia this summer I am already pondering "what time will I need to leave for the airport when I take my flight from Beijing to Cambodia?" and "how will I meet up with my friend in Beijing to leave behind some luggage?" and "what piece of luggage do I need for Vietnam?" and "what outfit will I wear on the plane?" etc. etc.

I am my own killjoy. I obsess over and research things like luggage storage, bus departure times and the space provided on a sleeper train. I live in constant fear that I will be unprepared. That I will miss the flight/bus/train/boat and be stuck somewhere foreign in a city I have not researched.

And yet...I love to travel. I love the impromptu moments on a trip when something unexpected happens and for a moment I am not planning/worrying ahead but truly enjoying the moment. I travel for that sole reason and moment.

So having got it into my head that I will be getting my own apartment this fall I am now obsessively looking at apartment listings. The same thing happened when I had a brief flirtation with buying a place this year. I was glued to the MLS site and could talk of nothing else. And even though I said I was looking to find somewhere for the fall I still applied for the mortgage immediately and started going to open houses and even made an offer on one place. As soon as the idea of buying a place was in my head there was no waiting it out to see how I felt in the fall. I was looking today.

The condo buying ran out of steam when I realised that that purchase would negate all future travel plans and leave me running at a huge financial deficit if I ever left town and wanted to rent the place. And with my neurotic tendencies I just couldn't handle that.

The 'new plan' is to rent my own apartment in December. Why December you ask? Well, with my current focus on trip planning I think moving would be too much of a distraction at the moment. Plus, I walk to work. And I enjoy it. Most of the neighborhoods I am looking at would require a real commute (bus, skytrain or bike) and I want to enjoy my summer stroll until the end of October. So I have decided on December 1st 2008 as the day I am back in my own apartment.

But now I am obsessed with finding that apartment today. What are the odds the perfect one bedroom in my price range will be listed on craigslist with the caveat 'I hope you're planning way ahead because this one isn't available until December.' Not likely. And yet...I still look. Everyday. Just in case. And so I can obsess over the idea that I am potentially losing out on the one great apartment out there that has everything and is a great deal in the location I want.

'Sigh'. Back to craigslist.

the chaise

When it comes to lifestyle I have entered into adulthood at a crawl. No factor has contributed to my stunted growth in this area more than the 'of no fixed address years'. I had about 10 years of not living in one city for more than 8 months at a time. Now that I have lived in Vancouver for four years straight I should have made some progress. But I haven't.

I have made leaps forward only to retreat back to a shabby university student lifestyle. When I moved back to Vancouver I moved into my own apartment; a first for me. Previously I had been living well above my means as I shacked up with my boyfriend in apartments that I contributed nothing more to than my sunny disposition. The apartments we stayed in were in trendy areas, had dishwashers and occasionally even in-suite laundry. On my own, and actually paying rent for the first time, I couldn't quite afford anything so grand. My new apartment was actually called 'the bombshelter'. A 350 sq ft illegal basement suite under a garage it had a skylight into the garden as the sole window. It was a great deal financially and I spent a year there trying to get myself together as I recovered from the end of my amateur athlete career.

A made a leap forward as my next move took me to a top floor apartment with windows that opened in every room. It was a full one bedroom and I no longer risked all of my clothing smelling like chicken because the wardrobe was next to the stove. The entire place was furnished with my ex-boyfriend's furniture and a few pieces from Ikea. I was an adult. What more could I need/want you might ask? My answer: a car. The ultimate luxury.

At 28 years of age my only foray into automobile ownership had been a 76' green VW rabbit that was technically owned by my brother, then another sister and then handed to R and I to get us out to rowing practice. It had holes in the floor, would mold and freeze during the winter, fog up constantly and not start frequently. We loved it. R and I installed a stereo system that was worth more than the car and drove to the lake each day feeling like our 17 year old lives couldn't get much more independent than this. Until one day when I parallel parked facing up on a hill and when the car wouldn't start I pumped the gas pedal so hard it just broke off. Dream over.

So there I was 11 years later and my thoughts turned to the freedom of car ownership. I went for it. I bought a hatchback Honda Civic at the age of 28 and was once again on the road. At this point between the car and the full size with windows apartment I was stretched to the max financially. I ran into a crisis and had to step back. Step way back.

I moved out to the burbs to be closer to my work. I got an apartment with a roommate. I sold all of my ex's furniture. I sold the car.

Car-less I walk to work each day. With only a bedroom to furnish I didn't need to hit up Ikea.

After a year of living my new frugal lifestyle some space opened up in the living room. 'Do you have any plans for that corner?' I asked the roommate. 'Nope.' was the reply. And so I started stepping forward, thinking about what I could furnish that area with. Something that said I am an adult even if I share an apartment with someone I am not in a relationship with, use public transit as my main form of transportation and still don't own a real bed frame. And I found it. A chaise. Not from Ikea. No assembly required.

Of course, instead of paying movers $100 to move it in a colleague with a truck picked it up and moved it for a case of beer. Baby steps.

the smug report (is it safe for the smugs to read?)

Yes I read R's post. Yes it comes off as smug married people (both posts although I am happy she is crazy enough about the husband to write publicly about him).

Readers Note: None of the below comments are aimed at any friends or family. They are merely observations.

It seems like an evolution; you go from smug single, to smug married, to smug parent, to smug empty nester to smug retiree and then you die with a smug look on your face knowing that you were in the best position in life the whole time you lived. You won.

On the flip side you're always irritated at the smug person ahead of you; the one having the kids while you are trying to enjoy newlywed status. The parents telling you smuggly that you don't 'really' know what life is like until you have kids. They've given life; while you're just...well just being. And then when you smuggly have kids they'll tell you smuggly that you just don't know real life until your children have left home and your watching them make their way in the world. And then when you send your kids off you have to deal with these same smug people breathing down your neck about how great retirement is and how you finally get to fully and smuggly enjoy life. Then you retire and these same people are in competition with your for who has the worst ailments, been on the longest cruise and is leaving their children and grandchildren with the most money. You smuggly go to their funerals content in the knowledge that you outlived them.

I am currently at the smug career focused part of my life. We don't all go through this phase at the same time. In fact, our mother just got here and she is in her 60s! It can in fact replace smug parenthood if you don't have children or occur after raising children. Two of my sister's are in smug married phase and I am sure this will be replaced in a few years by smug parenthood.. Smug marrieds only occur if you get married in your late 20s or 30s. Friends who have married young tend not to be smug about it for one of two reasons. 1) They are now divorced. 2) They were not battle weary from dating at that tender age so didn't feel anything to be smug about.

As a smug single I listen to the bitching about husband's and smuggly think to myself 'if I ever get married it won't be to a guy that does that'. As a smug career focused female I smuggly listen to friends complain about their jobs and how they aren't where they want to be or doing what they want to do and I smuggly think 'thank goodness that isn't me'. I know my smug married friends listen to me complain about the lack of single men in this city and think smuggly 'well, I found one!' or 'so happy that isn't me'. As I drone on to friends about my career I'm sure many of them have the smug thought 'I would hate to be that focused on my career.' or 'There is so much more to life when you have a family'.

The smug also tend to have revisionist histories. They think 'I was never that desperate/poor/single/lost/unhappy/unfocused etc.' Once you leave a smug phase for another you immediately disassociate with the person you were in that last phase.

You can cycle back on smughood. Going from smug married to smug single. But it will impact your social network. Smug divorced don't mix well with smug married. It just raises too many uncomfortable subjects and ideas for the smug marrieds. And smug marrieds don't want to hit the bar with their newly single smug friends unless they are heading for smug divorced status. I think this is the death of a lot of friendships; just not being in the same smug place and not caring to listen to a phase of life you are not interested in at that moment or never planning on entering.

In the end you want to make the best of whatever you have. Whether that be a husband, a career, a child or a bunch of free time. It isn't necessary to tell everyone you're at the best point; it is enough for you to know it. I will now go spend the money I made selling the road bike my ex-gave me and will smuggly not have to conference with a husband to make a decision on what I should buy myself.

i am not a cook

My twin sister is. But the gene skipped me. Still not sure whether or not we are identical or fraternal but if you based it on cooking skills we're definitely fraternal.

R made a kick ass salad with steak for me...twice. So tasty. And in reading her post on it I thought it was so easy. And yet...I have screwed it up twice. I call to ask what I am doing wrong, provide some guidance I say, 'what were the measurements for the sauce?'. She doesn't know. It is all done by feel. I have to come over and watch her make it in order to understand.

Guess I am going to make grilled cheese for dinner now that I have an inedible salad and steak.

fixed

I finally fixed my home computer. Yes, I lost everything on it. Reminiscent of that 'Sex and the City' episode where Carrie's computer blew up and Miranda asks her 'well when did you last back up?'. I had thought about backing up. I even perused the store shelves for an external hard drive. But...I never got around to buying one. And now I have lost it all. By 'all' I am referring to my photos and music. Tragedy.

In other news I am hunting for an over sized chair for the living room in my apartment. My roommate decided he didn't need a desk and now we have a few free sq metres. I have decided to make myself a corner to relax in the living room. Nothing grand. Just moved a bookshelf out there and now looking for a chair and ottoman. Still saving for the Asia trip so hoping to get a bargain.

life changing hair dryer

I bought it. THE hair dryer. Good friend K let me test drive hers and it changed me. In a good way; I will not accept frizzy hair after 25 minutes of blow drying. I will invest in a miraculous appliance that not only reduces the drying time by half but also leaves my hair shiny with not a frizz in sight.

Took it for a test drive this morning. Bought it on eBay for a third of the retail cost. It is the older model, brand new but not as light as Kim's. But boy does it do the trick. I am in love. I will have great hair everyday. I will make the effort. I will not arrive at work with wet hair, attending meetings like I am in University, just finished first row and am sprinting through the quad to my 8:30 class and can't be bothered to do anything but throw in some hair product because my hair will be wet again in 6 hours when I do my second workout. I am an adult. I use an umbrella rather than just pulling the hood up.

It is all about the small victories.

STC and Wine

I had the best girls night in I can't remember how long last night. Kicked it off with a surprise wine shower for a friend at work that is getting married this month. It was all pulled together at the last moment and it was awesome. We all brought the bride a bottle of wine to start her married life and another bottle to drink. Amazing appetizers, too many drinks and a lot of laughs ensued. Must have more evenings like this.

We had planned the evening around going to see the Sex and the City movie and a few of us managed to get tickets to the 10:30 show. We stumbled to the theater and enjoyed the film with groups of totally over-dressed women and groups of gay men. It was hilarious. To quote my friend Niina on regarding the over-dressed women 'That is just as nerdy as showing up to a Star Wars film dressed as Darth Vader'. Priceless.

I could say the film was average and not as good as the series. I could say it disappointed. The reality: everyone was craving just one last episode and that is what we got. On the big screen the characters seemed over played; Samantha too slutty, Charlotte too goody and Miranda too hard. Carrie is Carrie even on the big screen and they had some wicked no makeup, I think my life is over shots that really kept that character's feet on the ground. Big looked a bit freaky - possibly some eye work done that has left him with a constant quizzical expression. They made some bad excuse half way through the movie for Samantha's character being larger than on TV. Reality; if you read an interview from Kim Cattral while she was on STC she admits that she had to work hard to keep herself about 15lbs below her natural weight as she was constantly doing nude scenes. The woman is in her 50s so I think them making up some excuse about eating instead of having sex was BS.

I am satiated by the film. The STC cravings are gone and I continue watching old episodes as needed.